Where Would I Go If I Could Go Anywhere Essays

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Should students live in another country for a short time. Please rate. | IELTS, Task 1, Land Degradation. please kindly help me to improve my writing ski

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#1 (permalink) Mon Nov 25, 2013 18:32 pm   Essay: if you could go back in time...where and when?; Please rate 

If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Travelling time is a fantasy that numerous people have had. If I could choose to travel where I want in the past, I would go back to the creation of the Ancient Rome. I would like to record the creation of Rome, because there are several discussions about it. In addition, I would like to help to the Roman people in the construction of the city. And lastly, I would like to write my name in the history of the humankind.

The story about the foundation of Rome by Romulus and Remus is largely known. If I were there to record it, I could write the real story. Historians could fill out the gasps in the history of the creation of Rome. In my opinion, humankind history is a very important subject that it should be completely known because we need to remember from where we come from.

I am an architect to whom helping in the construction of Rome would allow me to study and record their architecture history. I could learn and improve in the ancient methods that they used to build an important part of our occident culture. And I would be part of that.

Every man wants to write his name in history. Although a small portion of them have that privilege. I would like to join them. Help in the construction of Rome as a powerful nation. I would be put my name in the books of every man forever. I would be always remembered by the history.

To sum up, I have interest in the history and I would like to record it. But I am a human-being and I would like to be known by people. If I help in the foundation of Rome, I can be allowed to write my name in the stars.

Thank you in advance, Mrs. Luschen.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students in their first class of the term
Antonioiba
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 13 Nov 2013
Posts: 24
Location: Spain
#2 (permalink) Tue Nov 26, 2013 2:42 am   Essay: if you could go back in time...where and when?; Please rate 

Hello Antonio,

I looked for you on the net. I read your essay and I can say we are kindred in spirit We like with my husband very much to see the documentaries about the antiquity, what they were able to create, what a marvelous structures. In Rome it is wonderful that you can imagine lot of things from the ruins. Do you know the half of today Hungary was Roman colony? Its name was Pannonia. Of course you can see only ruins, but they are keeping what it remained from the Antiquity.

This is a part of Necropolis in PÉCS (its Roman name was Savaria)



Aquincum was a roman town:



Gorsium was its roman name it was a town



Roman burial valt



Budapest Roman remains.



The border of the Roman empire was the Danube. Romans named it limes (= border)
Along the Danube were military watch-towers. Their ruins are now also.

Along the Danube in the gravels we found lots of roman bronze moneys from epoch of different emperor. This used to be or very favorite entertainment that to found moneys and Roman and Celtic moneys also, and fragments of bronze jewelry. But also the fragments are beautiful.

Return in nowadays

I wanted to send you one single pic of Spanish pubs with hanging jambons. I didn't find pub but I found the jambons which are so characteristic of the Spanish pubs.

We arrived in the evening and went to wandering in the town, we ate and drank. It was for me a unforgettable memory that the Spanish pubs, where Spanish jambons hanged as in the butcher's. I never saw a pub with so many jambons.They were very good places.

Bye Antonio, this letter had been written to show a single pic of Spanish jambons in the pub. I wrote at night and I found a pic but it disappeared. Nevertheless the jambons are authentic , these jambons are in the Spanish pubs.

As you wrote about the Roman empire I sent some pics of this epoch when our half-country used to be a part of the Roman empire.

Kati


_________________
Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
Kati Svaby
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 26 Nov 2009
Posts: 6286
Location: Hungary
#3 (permalink) Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:53 am   Essay: if you could go back in time...where and when?; Please rate 

Hello Antonio,

I sent only some pics to you. This morning I continued to see the pics of the Roman era. In Aquincum there is a little museum for the objects which had been found there.



This torso recalled me this beautiful poem.

Archaic Torso of Apollo

We cannot know his legendary head
with eyes like ripening fruit. And yet his torso
is still suffused with brilliance from inside,
like a lamp, in which his gaze, now turned to low,

gleams in all its power. Otherwise
the curved breast could not dazzle you so, nor could
a smile run through the placid hips and thighs
to that dark center where procreation flared.

Otherwise this stone would seem defaced
beneath the translucent cascade of the shoulders
and would not glisten like a wild beast’s fur:

would not, from all the borders of itself,
burst like a star: for here there is no place
that does not see you. You must change your life.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Bye:
Kati
_________________
Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
Kati Svaby
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 26 Nov 2009
Posts: 6286
Location: Hungary
#4 (permalink) Tue Nov 26, 2013 16:05 pm   Re: Essay: if you could go back in time...where and when?; Please rate 

Hi Antonioiba - are you the one who mentioned tinto de verano? I went to Spain a long time ago and I remembered everyone drinking tinto de verano. Tinto is specifically red wine, right? Is there a blanco de verano? That sounds better to me.
Anyway, I thought your essay was pretty good. It started off very strong, with a good introduction, but your writing seemed to get weaker towards the end and your conclusion seemed a little weak. Make sure to always begin your body paragraphs with transitions. Your writing was clear, but you did have some sentence structure errors and incorrect prepositions. Still, overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

Antonioiba wrote:
If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Travelling time {"Time travel is" or "Traveling back in time is" are more natural} is a fantasy that numerous people have had. If I could choose to travel where I want in the past, I would go back to the creation of Ancient Rome. I would like to record the creation of Rome, because there are several discussions about it.{this is a little unclear - maybe "… because it is a topic of fascinating discussions throughout the world} In addition, I would like to help to the {"to help the" or "to give help to the"} Roman people in the construction of the city. And lastly, I would like to write my name in the history of humankind.

{add a transition like "To begin,"} The story about the foundation of Rome by Romulus and Remus is largely known.{"widely known" or "well known" are better} If I were there to record it, I could write the real story. Historians could fill [in] the [gaps] in the history of the creation of Rome. In my opinion, [the] history [of humankind] is a very important subject that should be completely known because we need to remember from where we come .

[Furthermore,] I am an architect to whom helping in the construction of Rome would allow me {"to whom" is for third person, so adding "allow me" here sounds odd - better to say "… architect, so helping"} to study and record their architectur[al] history. I could learn and improve [on] the ancient methods that they used to build an important part of our occident[al] culture. And I would be part of that.{this last sentence is not very good, also do not begin sentences with "and" - maybe "Being a part of that critical moment in the history of architecture would be fascinating and provide me great insight."

[Finally,] Every man wants to write his name in history{comma} Although [only] a small portion of them have that privilege. I would like to join them[ by] Help[ing] in the construction of Rome as a powerful nation. I would be put my name in the books of every man forever. I would be always remembered by history. {this paragraph is not as strong as your previous ones - try to avoid the short choppy sentences}

To sum up, I have interest in history and I would like to record it{comma - avoid beginning sentences with "but"} But I am a human-being {two words} and I would like to be known by people. If I help in the foundation of Rome, I can be allowed to write my name in the stars.

Thank you in advance, Mrs. Luschen. {let me assure you, I am Mr. Luschen! }

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students in their first class of the term
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8641
Location: Nashville TN, USA
#5 (permalink) Tue Nov 26, 2013 20:22 pm   Essay: if you could go back in time...where and when?; Please rate 

Sorry Mr. Luschen, I don't know why I write Mrs sometimes.

Quote:
Hi Antonioiba - are you the one who mentioned tinto de verano? I went to Spain a long time ago and I remembered everyone drinking tinto de verano. Tinto is specifically red wine, right? Is there a blanco de verano? That sounds better to me.


Well, yes, I mentioned but tinto de verano is always with red wine. But we have a special drink mixing white wine with sprite, the name is Rebujito. I don't recommend drink so much of this drink, the headache is legendary (sorry, I am a big fan of Barney xD).

Talking about my essay, I know the last paragraph are weaker, that is because in the middle of the essay I didn't know what to write about or how to finish it. My "inspiration" was gone but I tried and I finished it. I will try harder the next time. Thank you.
Antonioiba
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 13 Nov 2013
Posts: 24
Location: Spain
Should students live in another country for a short time. Please rate. | IELTS, Task 1, Land Degradation. please kindly help me to improve my writing ski

 
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A change of location can feed both body and mind. There is so much to see and do around the globe. The only question becomes where to begin. Attributed to Augustine of Hippo, "The world is a book, and those who don't travel read only one page." Start the next chapter of your journey today.

Begin Your Travels

Whether its adventure seeking or inspiration that is sought, these destinations are sure to leave a lasting impression.

1. Mendenhall Glacier Caves of Tongass National Park, Alaska
Adventure seekers should fly to Juneau and make their way over to the caves via kayak and climb. In the interim you will be experiencing wild and pristine nature in America's largest forest. The Glacier itself runs 12 miles long and requires an escort. Intrepid visitors should fly to Juneau, kayak to and climb over the glacier to access this feature with a guide. The Mendenhall Glacier Caves are exposed to changing climactic conditions and accessibility changes.

2. Angel Falls, Venezuela
This waterfall ranks as the world highest at 3,212 feet. Visitors will be surprised that the water that begins at the top takes an unusual journey and atomizes into a fine mist, never to reach the bottom.

3. Bora Bora, Tahiti
This "romantic island" of a number of islands within French Polynesia is 18 miles long with white sandy shores surrounded by a lagoon. The best of those beaches is at Matira Point.

4. Anse Source d-Argent of La Digue, Seychelles Islands
Often photographed, the Anse Source d-Argent invites visitors to unwind on its pale pink sand. Enjoy shallow turquoise waters and a protective reef.

5. La Samanna Resort on Baie Longue, St. Martin
If a little pampering is called for, join the jet set at La Samanna. The area is secluded and the resort itself seems unreal with striking white architecture, beautiful beaches and plenty of eye candy.

6. Forter Castle, Scotland
Originally built in 1560, the castle has since been restored using traditional materials. Enjoy horseback lessons, famous local greens for golfers or journey to the Nae Limits for kayaking, whitewater trips, cliff-jumping, canyonning  and climbing. Visit during the Highland Games to sample Scottish hospitality and culture.

7. Belize Barrier Reef
This reef remains one of the most diverse reef ecosystems and is home to rays, whale sharks, manatees and spiny lobsters. It is part of the almost 700-mile-long Mesoamerican Reef and suffered a 50 percent loss to its coral in 1998. Journey International offers a "Cayo and the Caye" journey with stops in Belize's rainforest. There will be a 3 day stay on an island in the reef with side trips to the Mayan ruins and Guatemala.

8. Madagascar
Home to unique species of plants and animals found nowhere else. It is the fourth largest island in the world with a forest ecosystem under peril. There are endemic species that have yet to be recorded.

9. Florence, Italy
This romantic city is residence to breathtaking artwork and was once the place where the 'renaissance' flourished. Spectacular sunsets and bright cheerful buildings will have visitors wanting to make their own creative contributions. Culinary delights, the beauty of the city and the spirit of the people revive weary souls.

10. Budapest, Hungary
Budapest is known as the "Jewel of the Danube" and has European flair but a truly laid-back atmosphere with fewer tourists than Prague. Visit Buda Hill Castle at night for spectacular views of the city. Unwind in traditional thermal Turkish baths from the 16th and 17th centuries such as Rudas in this "City of Baths.

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